Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Doggy Saga and Paranoia

So i bet that wonderful picture of the doggy rear stuck in your mind for like hours, huh? Yeah, mine too, but i've been researching the subject a lot longer so of course i have that pic tattooed in my brain...No worries, I will not be scarring your poor little heads with such pictures again, until next week when Bella gets the surgery. Yup, we're going to do it. And I'd like to thank the wonderful Redwood Pet Clinic for  helping me with this decision. Dr Manchester really helped along with Dr Schwock (Butchering his last sorry, unless i wrote it right than i rock) and I appreciate and trust their instincts. I really didn't want to do this surgery, but if this can help Bella, than I'm all for it.

Lately i've been feeling icky. I'm so uncomfortable at home. The air around me seems negative and this urge to buy a house is the only thing keeping me focused.  I can't really describe everything that's going on, but I just wish this crap would stop. My friend says my home should be a sanctuary; it's not. I know the time for change is now, but i can't do anything about it. just not in the cards. So here i am stuck and not even feeling free enough to write about it. It's like the world is full of spies. LOL. paranoia cha cha cha....
click on the picture great OCD blog. 

I was thinking that maybe i should link my facebook to the blog....but i dunno....why would i do that? why did i even think that was a good idea? i'd be scared of what people thought when they read what I wrote....I'd have anxiety attacks on a daily basis. Most people don't know about my fibro or anxiety ...ARGH! Yet, i write every day and share what i think or feel to strangers who read this thing and I don't even mind. The people on my FB  knew me once upon a time and man, i've changed. There are few who do know me and sometimes I even wonder if they care to read what I write. I'm not one of those people who promotes their "stuff", I guess I've become more fearful of what others think of me. Sounds dumb huh? I try not to care, really i do, but it's hard.

I have an absolutely backward brain. When I get into an argument with someone or something, I normally don't talk shit about the other person. Like there once was this break up (ok a divorce) and i didn't tell anyone really why it happened. I didn't want people to think badly about the other person. I tell people my side of the story if they ask, but i don't go around trying to round up friends to feel sorry for me. That's pretty stupid huh? I figure that if i'm being honest the other person will be honest too and admit to their own faults, since I always fucking do. 

Anyway, that was a little snippet inside of me. I'll try and be a little lighter tomorrow. Hopefully my grammar and spelling didn't piss anyone off. I hope I didn't offend anyone....Oh Jacky STFU and just be. Ok if you liked it you liked it, if you didn't piss that better me? yeah, i guess...
found on this on a call buddhism site. click the pic. :)


natalie said...

I"m so sorry about your puppy. That is just terrible! The poor darling.

Jacky aka Queenijax said...

Thank you. I'm praying this is it. hopefully no more UTI's. I can only hope.

ceciblog said...

Poor Bella - you should Feng Shui your space! then you'll know all about it for when you get your house :)