Settling or unsettling...

I'm on a teeter totter most days. This week has been like hell in a hand basket and every time i reach in for a sandwich i get spat with fire and burnt to a crisp. So I figure put the hand basket in a corner underneath some foliage and call for take out. As you can tell the normal things I normally write about are on hold for now, because there's turmoil in my life and i need my blog. This is my space and i like that i can roam around freely in it...Let me just get myself comfortable. ahh...ok.

 I had to meditate yesterday and while i'm laying there, breathing i keep thinking of the events of the day and the new random twist and the thoughts and feelings and vibes and I'm baffled. I keep breathing forcing my stomach to go up and down, trying to concentrate on just that but i cannot for the life of me stop thinking about this new piece of news, apparently I hate someone. I don't hate anyone. And it bothers me that someone would think that. Hate is a strong word. I use that for things like bugs; cockroaches especially.  I do hate murderers, rapists and the such, but i don't even hate my ex husband or his ex girlfriend. It's just a waste of time to hate. I'm bothered that communication is so hard to come by these days and a simple question could have alleviated all of that in two seconds. But what can you do? Now things are more awkward than before and for me I just don't want to deal with it, because I think my heart will stop at any moment; it's over exercised. My health and mind is more important. That's why I had to stop certain things so that I could have peace of mind.

I have a lot to look forward to this weekend, next month and even next year. I have to keep my eye on the horizon so i don't get sick from all the waves pushing my little boat around.  I have my little family that i love, i have my family on the East Coast and i have a handful of friends that i am surprised when i need their help they're there for me, even it's just for coffee. The simple things are all i need. Right now i need the simplest of them all, calm waters. I will be mindful of that this weekend, that will be my goal.

I hope you all have a wonderful day and I leave you with some Beastie Boys,  because my heart still aches about MCA. love ya,