Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Post numero dos for the dia....

I have to walk myself through all of this craziness: anxiety and fibro pain. The two are interconnected. What better way to go through the motions than by blogging about them. I feel that in this way i can bring myself into the present and calm myself down, therefore relaxing my muscles and releasing the tension. Not sure what brought it about but i am finding myself in the middle of a mini panic attack. I think it was because the other night i felt a pain in my left butt cheek (lol yup my ass felt a pain and now i'm freaking out about it). In traditional fibro style the pains start moving around. That area no longer hurts, but my shoulder  muscles started to tighten and i must have slept wrong, because my neck hurts. It's not so bad, because I am finally used to it. Sucks right? Well, i have to get over the sucky part and relax about it. The more I stress, the more pain i'll feel. I popped half an ativan. I hate benzo's, so i have to let go of that stress as well. The benzo's will teach me relaxation-I will not become an addict.  (hello self, let's let go of that stuff, it's inconsequential at the moment). With every breath i take I must release the tension. The breaths are shorter, so i have to force deeper breaths and ignore the heavier beating i'm feeling. Live in the present. Right here, right now. Not the other day, not an hour from now, but live right  now. Release the tension right now. Closing my eyes makes me feel at ease. Imagining that i'm weightless helps too. I turned on my  heater and got warmer too. My hands get freezing cold when i begin to stiffen up. Not sure if it's the ativan or the fact i averted my attention to something else but the hearts calmed down and my breathing has relaxed. I feel a little weighed down on my shoulders but I have to continue to think weightless thoughts. I'm also distracting myself and keeping busy. I get to go home soon, so I know that will  make me feel better. I definitely need a walk, but i will think about that later.
I feel a bit better. I didn't want to write every emotion down and get bogged down in negative stuff. Writing down  my thought process helped for me. Not sure if it will help for anyone else. But it's good for me to go back to when I need it.


D said...

I hope that you feel better. Have you tried a warm bath for relaxing the muscles and help with the pain?

Jacky aka Queenijax said...

i wish i had a bath tub. I stand in my shower and let the hot water hit my back and legs....that's as close as i can get. :(
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