And where the hell have you been???

You haven't written or called or anything....dammit. lol. just kidding. sorry i've been MIA, but I've had the most persistent and painful pinched nerve. My neck felt like i couldn't hold it up anymore and my arm radiated the most annoyingly painful ache i've ever felt in my life. Now, i feel a bit weak in my left hand, my arm feels very sore and my  neck is just poping like a firecracker. But I'm feeling better. Not fully myself yet though. Pain can really take a toll on  person. I've been very depressed by this and I hope none of my readers ever have to go through it.

• But here i am so let's start this week off. I am tired. lol. i know you so wanted to know that. i've been here for 40 minutes and people, i can take a nap. 
• Gonna go back on the quitting smoking bandwagon. I was so stressed with my neck that well smoking became my thing again.
• I went on a walk yesterday and realized quickly that I'm so OUT OF SHAPE! Two weeks of no exercise, little jaunts here and there taking Bella on a quick walk but holy cow, I took her out for 30 minutes or so and my ass feels like i should ice it. insert sad face here....
• I have been trying to access a government page for the last hour and it's not working. I think i may be the only person on earth who wants to kick a screen in when things like this happen. ok, i know i'm not the only one
• Holy crap. in less than a month i will be 35. oh shit. I must repeat the following mantra-I will not get depressed because I will be 35 with no children, house or marriage...keep repeating...keep repeating. hahahaha. it's funny sometimes i'm thankful for not having those things, not because i don't want them, but because it's a bit freeing. imagine if i had kids while i had a pinched nerve? and worrying about not being able to work and paying a mortgage and taking care of my marriage!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! the insanity. 
• Tell me one of these doesn't look appetizing right now.....

i am salivating.

• I think the internet has made me super cheap. I'm in love with some of the shoes on sole society, but i keep thinking i can get them elsewhere for cheaper. Paying 50 bucks for a pair of shoes is not bad, but i'm the type of girl that will run to payless when she needs something. Ok i know i don't do that all the time, but i have...oh my these shoes are tooo cute. they have animal print on them and i'm not a big fan of animal print, but the gray ones are super adorable and subtle. People what do i do!!!!??? shite. i really like them..i'm going for it people. early bday gift for me.
• So my anniversary was this weekend. There's been so much going on that it was nice to take a little time and do something together without thinking of the B.S. from the outside world. We're truly two lucky people, who found eachother four years ago under strange circumstances. We've grown so much and created an atmosphere together that is somewhat perfect. lol. nothing in life is perfect and there are times I am pretty sure we aren't too happy with eachother, but as a cumulative thing in a whole , i just gotta say wow. 
• I'm also getting a rifle. yup. i'm getting one. i think..lol. probably. we'll see if they bring in the Marlin today so I can see which one i like better (ruger or marlin). I got Gerry a dual rifle case. so his will definitely need a friend.
• Do you ever watch things happening in front of you and try your hardest not to say a word but realize that people are acting very strange and not like themselves? yeah, well i've seen that multiple times in the last couple of weeks and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable.
• I've gotta listen to some country....
• Also tired of hearing people complain about money. it's everywhere lately. There are ways to make more money....get a second job if you're in dire need of money. are you crafty? make stuff and sell on ebay or etsy.  Look online for ways to make more money, but dammit if i hear another person complain they better be prepared to hear "GET a second job." AYE. I remember my mom told me to get a second job years ago when i was working at a college and it was winter break. I couldn't believe they cut my hours in HALF. I also wanted to enjoy all this time off and my wage was pretty good BUT i wasn't making rent. Well, I went and waited tables 3 hours 3 times a week. It was fun. I made lots of tips and it really helped. My mom likes to make a better person out of me. That taught me a lot about myself too. I could take care of myself even if i lost my job or hours got cut in half. I think it also taught me how to rely on myself even more. Thanks mom. 
• Alrighty you get to stare at the pic of the croissant because that's the only pretty thing i'm leaving on here...have a great day.

Coffee and Ativan soothe the nerves.

Well had my coffee, realized that my stupid boyfriend never read the email i sent him YESTERDAY about our therapist and got into HIGH anxiety mode. Also started stressing out about having to tell my boss that I have an appt tomorrow at 8am. yup 8 am. I had to get the earliest appointment for therapy that I possibly could because I feel like i'm working for nazi's all of a sudden. I will not get into the whole vacation schedule thing. Sent me beyond ticked. Anyway I had to take an ativan. I notice when I get stressed out, my muscles tense and my back winds up paying for it. So deep breaths, ignore stupidity, realize that I lead my own life and I will not depend on others to make me happy. Tell that to my bank account. Just spent my whole check on two bills. back to square one. Anyone think that the light bulb in the boyfriend brain will go off and he will realize that he needs to spend money this month on the things we need like GROCERIES, DOG TREATS, BONES etc....BREATHE!!!!! I'd love to see what my blood pressure is right now.

• ok did a little breathing technique and i think i'm ok...
• tell me this baby elephant isn't the cutest thing...

 I'd be freakin out too if i realized my nose was like a 5th leg.

• Random I know, but you know that song by Selena Gomez-I love you like a love song baby...you can actually fit "i love you like a fat kid loves cake." it works. i sang it over and over this morning. Made me smile. :)

• now i'm officially sleepy. sigh. Haven't been able to do the pie or turnover thing, because I've been asking Gerry to help me, but he's been too busy. I hate coring and peeling apples, especially like 8 of them...bleh. So it will have to wait. ONE DAY my friends. 
• I just got props for the times i'm not smoking!!! which made me smile! I need that encouragement! My friend Jessi told me to not be too hard on myself. It's really hard not to smoke on breaks or after I eat or when i'm pissed off. lol. I think that's a problem right now. I'm pissed off about a lot of things and I want to smoke all of the time. I am pretty sure smoking and emotions are related.

•  Here are some things that will make me smile and for sure it will make you smile:

•  Rangers! what the heck happened last night? Rock it tonight, Ok??? MLB updates! check the baseball almanac -nice long list of all the world series! 
• I am eating a hot pocket. its' not bad. wish it was a healthier lunch.
  
  
  Ok i must go...have a good thursday!

title schmitle.

I had to really think about a title this morning. I kept thinking "wish I could go back to sleep" or "what's wrong with 9:30 am nap time?" I'm always sleepy. That's the problem with writing a blog in the morning, you always wish you were in bed. I apologize for the repetitive desire to be sleeping.

• ONE WHOLE FRIGGIN WEEK. I actually haven't bought a pack of smokes in a week. The first day I smoked 3 cigarettes. Second day-one, third day-one, 4th day-one, 5th day 1, 6th day 1/2, 7th day 1/2. Now I am pretty sure i can go without. I've weaned myself off. I pray I can just go a day. Miraculously I can actually go most of the day without really going crazy. I'm giving myself a medal for one week...

Maybe this will help keep me motivated. One week of weaning myself off nicotine done. Let's go on to week two!!!

• So I quit smoking, yet I don't see any extra cash anywhere. I should have about 24 bucks laying around somewhere right??? i was smoking 4 packs of cigarettes which total about 24 bucks. I really would like that money because I think i want to buy a livingsocial deal for 20 yoga classes for 20 bucks. sigh. i love livingsocial.I have been doing yoga at home-can i tell you, i'm so sore in my tummy area...ouch. BUT it would be pretty cool if i could go to a class. It's an hour long though...I can only do 15 minutes of yoga right now, hmm maybe i can add 15 more minutes tonight. I'll let you know...
• I want a tablet. like this one...

there are MANY reasons why i want one. #1 I can put this in my kitchen while I'm cooking and watch cooking videos or follow recipes. #2 I can watch a yoga video AND do yoga. #3 easy blogging. #4 while Gerry's on the laptop, i can play games on this! #4 I love to read and now i can buy ebooks and take this shnazzy thing everywhere...This is what I want for Xmas-of course I'm not sure if this is the best one or what, but someone needs to tell Gerry that it's on sale and I deserve it-I'm an awesome girlfriend. Also if you want this one here's a good deal courtesy of Buy.com

•  i still don't have a title and i'm awfully yappy so far...Anyone else love this song???

makes me want to dance my butt off...ok so I don't think i've ever really looked at Pitbull.... ok so he's pretty handsome in this pic..But look at the other ones...HE'S got ONE LOOK???? Stop that Mr. Pitbull....ok...

he's the mysterious spanish rapper pit bull. Now for some real American Pitbulls 

look at that sit. What a goooood sit!

look at that figure. lean and thin. focused pup.

wow if you actually google American Pitbull Terrier, you get a lot of dogs that ARE NOT pitbull terriers. Sorry but I refuse to call those muscley short dogs APBT's.  these dogs sort of look like English Bulldogs swallowed a pitty. According to the UKC any OVERPRONOUNCED feature that compromises the natural ability of the dog is a serious fault. Most people totally agree with that, yet some idiots think it's a good idea, these people shouldn't be breeding animals. 

American Staffordshire Terriers.

hmm, what's the difference between the pitty's and the staffys??? BUILD. Look at those ears. Here's what the AKC has to say about this breed. 

Here endeth the lesson. if you can't tell the difference between the two dogs than be honest and say I don't know. 

Can you tell which one BELLA is? Not like I haven't told you before....

If you can't answer, say I don't know. 

Ok I gotta get on with my day. I hope you enjoyed today. oh crap i need a title.

Must keep busy....

So I have.... I've made:

• a buffalo chicken pasta salad-I got the initial idea from the girl who ate everything-but a la Jacky style, mixed it up a bit. So here's what i did. 4 chicken breasts cut into cubes, seasoned with garlic salt, pepper and marinated in Frank's Buffalo Wing Sauce. Cook well. Cook one whole box of Penne Pasta. Now is where the fun starts, chop carrots julienne, and one bunch green onions. After the pasta is cooked cool down under cold water. In separate bowl mix 1/2 cup mayonnaise, 1-2 cups (depending how saucy it comes out try one cup first) of Ranch Dressing, and about 1/2 cup of Franks Buffalo Wing sauce, mix well. taste. here's where you become a chef and play around with the variations. I didn't want mine to be too spicey, but hey kids have fun with it. Toss and Enjoy! I didn't get a picture, how sad. I should have!!!
• I did get a picture of what i did with the Buffalo Chicken leftovers....they became Buffalo Chicken Pasta Cheese bake. one layer of the pasta, one layer of cheese, one layer of pasta another layer of cheese etc...bake at 350 until cooked. It was super delicious. 

i paired it with a romaine salad, with juicy ripe tomatoes, gruyere cheese and yummy croutons. Perfecto.

• Last night I tried to make ice cream. We have an icecream maker and I wanted to play with it and plus I need to keep busy....Problem 1- only had one cup of regular milk so in total i used 3 cups of half and half. We didn't have enough ice so we used what we had and churned for 40 minutes. Probably not the way it was supposed to be done, but nonetheless the ice cream has a wonderful vanilla flavor. 
• So tonight I made an apple tarte tartin. I think it was rather nummy, i paired it with the icecream. I didn't think of taking pictures of it until AFTER I had stolen a piece to pair up with my nummy icecream. Next time, because I need the practice. As much as I like caramelized fruit, i'm not a fan of the stickiness on my teeth. I really wanted more of a apple pie type feeling, so i'll definitely try again. 
• Let me tell you what i've done this weekend besides above: food shopping, meditation, yoga, an hour of doggy play, cleaning house, BBQ with friends, watched a movie, garage sale at my mother in laws', took bella on a walk in the hot sun, got Gerry and his sis some lunch, came home finished laundry, reorganized the kitchen, came home and tried to nap. sounds like i've been busy. It's no use trying to hide it, I'm quitting smoking and tomorrow it has been 7 days since this all began No more buying packs of cigarettes. I don't want to smoke anymore, but i realized i smoke when i'm  bored or frustrated. I just have to keep busy. Too bad i'm so tired right now. 

 Guess it's bed time. Thanks for reading everyone and I'll see you later